RECKLESS - Part 4 (The RECKLESS Series) Read online

  We stopped at every little shop we came across, tasted more food than I could eat without feeling like I would explode, watched the men throwing fish, gave money to the buskers outside, and bought flowers for my mother.

  Jace took everything in, smiling, laughing, watching with awe... it was quite the surreal experience, seeing someone take in the city for the first time. We were used to tourists, but most of us didn’t really mingle with them. They were a part of the scenery, people you could spot from a mile away because they were the only ones using umbrellas.

  But Jace didn’t. In fact, I was probably the only who knew for certain that he wasn’t from Seattle because, even though he looked at everything through fresh, new, excited eyes, he acted like a local, pulling me to some of the local shops, checking the produce in the market and talking to the local farmers and fisherman like he’d lived there his whole life.

  He really did belong there.

  I only hoped I’d be around to see it the day that it actually happened, that he wouldn’t leave me behind in Texas, or that something wouldn’t happen to us between now and then. Because, reality was, I had enjoyed every waking moment I’d spent with him. I felt more alive, more myself, with him than I ever had with Sean. It was as though Jace held the key to some unlocked part of me, a part that was wild and spontaneous and free. I didn’t know what I would do if I ever lost that.

  Of course, I was overthinking things... again.

  To force my brain to be quiet, I waged a war with Jace, challenged him to race up the hill of death. We huffed and laughed our way up the steep incline, past the shops and locals running in biker shorts. When we reached the top of the third straight block of uphill inclines, Jace demanded a small break.

  “How much farther does this thing go?” he asked, hands at his waist, looking toward the top of the hill.

  He was a fit man, but—somewhere between a 45 and 90 degree angle—these hills were hell on anyone that didn’t climb them every day, including me. Yet, despite my exhaustion, I couldn’t pass up the chance to rib him over his difficulty climbing the massive incline.

  “Tired already?” I asked, bumping his shoulder.

  “They don’t have hills like this in Texas. What’s your excuse?” He bumped me back.

  I released a laugh that sounded a little more like a breathy huff. “They don’t have hills like this in Texas. After four years, I’m practically a native.”

  “Not quite,” he said, lifting a finger at me. “You’re only a native if you stand outside, watching as a tornado comes spinning across the field down the road.”

  “And I suppose you’ve done this? The swirling tornado thing?”

  “No,” he said, laughing and shaking his head. “I’m not a true native either. I hide during the warnings, long before the twister ever makes it anywhere near me.”

  “Well, you fit right in here,” I said, smiling at him, lacing my arm though his. “No umbrella, talking to the locals. Maybe you lived here in a previous lifetime?”

  “Maybe.” He smiled and pulled me. “Or maybe this just is my life. Where I’m meant to be.” He brushed the disheveled hair away from my face and then rested his hand on my cheek. I could tell by the way he was biting at his lip that there was more he wanted to say, but that he refused to do it because of my freak out moment just hours before. But for some reason, right then and there, I needed to know, almost as much as I needed air.

  “Say it,” I whispered, leaning forward, tilting my head up to gently kiss his lips. “Please.”

  He still looked conflicted, but he said it anyway. “You’re the reason it feels like home.”

  Maybe it was because we weren’t in the throes of passion. Or maybe it was my change of mindset. Whatever the case, rather than panic, rather than feel like I was choking on dread, I actually felt myself melt at his words, the familiar flutter of my heart that seemed to be reserved solely for him as I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned into his chest. It was still far from the words that I was sure he wanted to hear, but in that moment, I hoped it was enough.

  ***

  Our last stop inside the Market had been the bakery that my mother had wanted us to go to, a bakery that she and I had frequented back when I’d lived at home. They had the most amazing sandwiches, and everything was humanely grown and killed on local farms, which was an added bonus.

  Since it was well past the lunch hour, I texted her to ask her if they still wanted food, told her that we were going to be late. Of course she’d understood and had told us to take our time, that she and my brothers would order something from the cafeteria. My guess was that the food seemed a little more bearable after a week of eating it, especially now that the worry over whether or not my brother would be okay had dissipated.

  I still had no idea how long I would stay, or how long it would take him to recover, or if there was any permanent damage, but I knew my mother wouldn’t have encouraged me to take the day out if she thought there had been anything for me to worry about. And so, we had enjoyed our day, took our time at the bakery, eating our lunch with everyone else’s orders in tow. But now the sun was setting and the bakery would be closing soon. It was time for us to go.

  With the flowers and everyone else’s food in tow, we left the bakery and the Market, only I started headed in the opposite direction of the parking garage where I’d left my mother’s car. Of course, Jace caught on quickly and questioned me as to where we were going, but I didn’t want to give my secret away, so I simply said “somewhere” and kept walking.

  Within twenty minutes, we were standing beneath the Space Needle. With Jace standing behind me, his arms around my waist, we stared up at it, unable to see all the way to the top. Most people don’t realize just how big it is until that moment, until you’re standing beneath it, taking it in in all its glory. But what really gets you is the ride up.

  “You ready?” I asked, turning at the waist to look back at him.

  “For what?”

  “To take a ride,” I answered, smiling, placing a kiss on his cheek.

  His grin grew to epic proportions as he squeezed me before releasing me. “I was born ready, baby.”

  We stood in line, purchased our tickets, and were on the next ride up in no time. This really was the best time to go, especially during tourist season. Everyone else was heading back to wherever they were staying, but little did they know, the best time to see the city from up top is at night. That was evidenced by all the “oohs” and “aaahs” coming from the few other people in the elevator with us.

  I was used to the view and I still found myself transfixed, lost in the beauty of it all. But what really made it all so perfect was the way that Jace rested his chin in the crook between my shoulder and neck as he whispered in my ear. “Almost as beautiful as you.”

  That seemed impossible to believe. I’d seen this view more times than I could count, but being a native meant I had a lot of pride for my city. And, honestly, it never got old. The twinkling lights from high up in the air. The way they sparkled off The Sound. And I’d almost forgotten, or I’d thought I had. But now, up there with Jace, staring out at the place I loved more than anywhere else in the world, it felt like it had always been that way, like he and I had always been together, like nothing had ever existed before him.

  That was silly, of course, but you can’t change your heart any more than you can change the color of your skin. And my heart knew what it wanted; it probably had all along, but my brain had always seemed to get in the way. Not then, not in that moment.

  Turning to face him in that small space, I took his face in my hands. I had to say it. I had to get it out before I lost the nerve, before the words disappeared. I had to say it up there above the city, looking out at the most perfect place on the planet with the most perfect man in the world.

  “Andrea?” he asked when all I could seem to do was stare into those gorgeous brown eyes of his. “What is it?”

  I closed my eyes for a second, recalled our
heated moment in the shower, took myself back there so I could say what I wish I would have been brave enough to say right then. “I—I love you, too Jace Richardson.”

  I hadn’t even opened my eyes before his lips were on mine. The others inside that small space made noises of adoration, but all I could focus on, all that really mattered, was his taste, his smell, the brush of his stubble against my face.

  This man had stolen my heart. I didn’t know how and I didn’t know when, but I hadn’t a doubt in the world that it was true. Even if everything in my head tried to tell me it was wrong. Even if the worries of what my family would say when I told them would plague me all the way back to the hospital. And even when I worried that things would all come crashing down around me.

  Because love like that didn’t really exist, did it?

  Didn’t love take time and effort? Didn’t it require you to talk about the future and what your plans were? Didn’t it mean coming to agreements about where you would live and how many children you would have? Wasn’t the way Sean and I had done things the way it was supposed to be done? Hadn’t we created the perfect plan? Wouldn’t this love, this crazy, stupid love that had no rhyme or reason crumble and fall?

  My heart said no, but as usual, my head tried to get in the way. It made me quiet all the way back. It made me sick to my stomach when he asked what was wrong when we pulled into the parking lot. But most of all, it made me anxious and nervous as we walked through the hallway and I tried to decide when would be the right time to talk to my mom and dad about it all.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Everything had kind of calmed down inside my brother’s room. Cole was sleeping. My mother was reading a book on her Kindle. My dad was watching the news. My other brothers were gone. But I could still feel the difference in the room; it didn’t feel heavy or oppressive like it had before, just tired and relaxed. It was kind of nice, really. More like I was used to seeing my family.

  So was my mother’s smile as she glanced up from the book she was reading. “Have a nice time?” she asked, barely above a whisper as she looked first to me and then to Jace.

  We both nodded, mindful of my brother’s need to rest. I took a seat next to her after setting the flowers and all the food on the nightstand by my brother’s bed. Jace stood over by the door but when my dad looked up and spotted him there, he motioned for Jace to come sit over on the other side of the room.

  As they sat and quietly talked about the weather, I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult, talking to my parents. They’d clearly already accepted Jace, not just in a way that he was another human being—something my parents had always been rather skillful at—but as a part of me, of my life. What did I have to worry about anyway?

  “Mom?” I asked, turning to face her, deciding that there was no better time than the present. That was all we had anyway. “Do you have a minute?”

  Mom smiled and nodded. “Of course, sweetie. What’s on your mind?” she asked, closing her Kindle and placing it on her lap to give me her full, undivided attention.

  I glanced nervously over in Jace’s direction. “Can we—“ I looked to the door, hoping that she caught on.

  Mom gave me a knowing nod, stood and then made her way toward the door. I followed right behind, waving to both my dad and Jace to let them know we’d be back. I was grateful that, instead of standing to follow, Jace simply nodded and smiled.

  Once we’d reached the hallway, mom threaded her arm through mine. “I’m guessing this is about that handsome man you have in there,” she said, leaning in to whisper low enough that the guys couldn’t hear.

  “How’d you know?” I asked, a little nervous that she was already aware of my conversation topic; her already knowing meant that she’d already formed an opinion.

  Mom chuckled and patted my arm. “Oh, honey. It’s not hard to know love when you see it.”

  I gulped. She knew even more than I’d realized. “Love?” I asked, my voice cracking.

  “Well, don’t you?” she asked, directing me around the corner toward the cafeteria. “Because he is certainly in love with you.”

  “How do you know?” I knew she was right, but I still had to ask.

  “You can’t deny when love is there,” she said, the crinkles around her eyes deepening as she smiled. “The way that man looks at you. The way he watches you when you cross the room, how he listens to everything you say. He’s got it bad, baby.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so,” she said, coming to a stop in the middle of the hallway. She placed her hands on my shoulders, her brow creasing with concern as she studied me carefully. “The real question is, do you love him?”

  I chewed at the inside of my cheek. I already knew my answer; I’d told him so, but there was still something that I couldn’t put my finger on—worry, dread, fear—something that was making me doubt the words I’d professed just an hour before. Words that seemed silly to say to my mother, a woman who had worked tirelessly for the marriage she had with my father, the love that they shared.

  “Honey, if you’re not sure, you need to tell the man,” my mother said, still holding me in place.

  “I told him I love him, and I meant it,” I finally said. “But I’m afraid.”

  “Oh, baby, that’s the best kind of love. It’s the same love I had for your father, still have, really. And you, and your brothers. That’s the kind of love that you know, if something were to happen to that person, your heart could stop beating because it depends on them to keep going. It’s crazy and wild and it has no real rhyme or reason. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also very, very strong.”

  “But I never had that with Sean,” I said, voice cracking. “Does that mean I loved him less? And isn’t it silly to feel this way after being with Jace such a short time?”

  “No, baby. You didn’t love Sean less. It was just a different kind of love, one that maybe wasn’t the right kind, the kind that weathers through the storm,” my mother said, pulling me in for a hug. That was about the time the tears started, about the time that I thought my heart might break because she was right, and I knew it. I’d wanted to love Sean that way, but the truth was, I hadn’t. “And no, it’s not silly at all. I knew I loved your father from the very first time he held my hand. That love only grew from there.”

  “Really?” I asked, pulling back to look at her face. I hadn’t heard this part of the story before.

  She nodded and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Really. That man, he was the spontaneity to my rigid, the humor to my seriousness. He was my exact opposite, but he balanced me out. I needed some of what he had in my life. And I have a feeling that Jace is that way for you. He’s your balance.”

  “Then what do I do? How do I stop worrying so much?”

  My mother’s lips pulled tight in a sad frown. “You don’t. You just have to trust, and that’s not easy for women like us sometimes. We want tangible. We want facts. But love, baby, that doesn’t come with any of those things. The heart wants what it wants and it’s as simple as that.”

  ***

  I wasn’t sure if I felt better or worse after my talk with my mother, but as I walked into the room and noticed Jace sitting next to my father, I realized that she couldn’t have been more right. He was my balance, the one person that could quiet my crazy head, make it spin, and then put it all as it should have been in the first place, all in the same breath. He was the man that I loved so much that it scared me to death, made me afraid of all the things that could possibly go wrong.

  I only hoped he could handle my crazy. That he could stand by me as long as my father had stood by my mother, and when push came to shove, he wouldn’t abandon me later on down the road. If he loved me as much as my mother seemed to think, then maybe he would.

  If he didn’t, if he couldn’t, if somewhere down the road he decided I was just too much for him to handle... I didn’t have an answer for that, so I could only hope that I wouldn’t need it.

  R
ather than sit down with my mother that time, I crossed the room and gave my dad a smile to silently ask for his seat. He obliged with a quick nod and a pat to my shoulder before heading over to sit next to my mother. I sat down next to Jace, unsure of what to say, but I knew that I needed to be near him. I needed him to bring my head to quiet, to bring me back to what was important.

  “Everything okay?” he asked, threading his fingers through mine.

  I answered him with a kiss and then rested my head on his shoulder. All the fear melted away and all that was left behind was the peace, the easy breathing between us, the love that rested there in that small space. We sat like that, in contended silence, for the longest time. So long that I’d started to nod off, but then his cell phone rang in his pocket. I jumped at the sound and then lifted my head to give him space to answer it.

  He shifted to pull it out of his pocket and silence it before taking a look at the screen to see who it was. His lips drew into a tight scowl as he stared at it a moment longer. Finally, he touched the screen to answer, looking to me and apologizing as he did.

  I nodded as he quietly told whoever it was on the other end to hold on a second. I had no reason to worry, nothing to be concerned about, yet everything about his posture, his body language, the quick strides he took down the hallway, told me that something was wrong. I tried to do the trust thing, tried to sit there in my chair and not worry, but after about twenty minutes passed and he still hadn’t returned, the knot in my stomach had started to work its way into my throat, choking the life out of me.

  Something had to be wrong. Maybe he needed me.

  Unable to sit there any longer, I went to go and find him. He was outside, standing in the rain, one hand holding his cell phone, the other plugging his ear, like he might have been having a hard time hearing. My feeling of dread only grew as I got closer, as I heard him shouting at whoever was on the other end of the line.